Dark Shadows

I am sure this no surprise to anyone but my old person back failed me again and I have been laid up in bed for two days. It went out while doing the laundry, that will teach me to clean. The only positive outcome is watching movies. I made it through a couple, Dark Shadows and Bleeding House.

Normally I love Tim Burton movies especially ones featuring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, which is almost all of them, but this one was a bummer. I was excited about the premise and the appearance of Alice Cooper but it was just boring. I know of the old series, my mom watched it, but alas I have never been able to sit through an entire episode. I mean there is low budget and then there is serious low budget. Even the late 60's should have been better than that. The movie of course was big budget with many stars but incredibly boring. There were a few moments of humor and Johnny's mannerisms were fabulous but it just went on and on and on. This might have been made worse due to the fact that I was stuck in bed.

I enjoyed Johnny as a creepy vamp, I believe he was supposed to be playing a character in his twenties maybe thirties and he is unfortunately starting to look old. Well he is fifty now. Helena was ok but not quirky enough and Chloe Moretz's teeth drive me crazy (the daughter). Michelle Pfeiffer still looks amazing! I kept hoping she would belt out Cool Rider but I didn't get my wish.  I give this movie a moderate rating, make sure you have some popcorn and your IPad while watching though.

Bates Motel

Oh my oh my how many ways can I say how much I like Bates Motel?  Let me count the ways:

1. The way the show meshes modern and 50's/60's attributes.
2. The weirdo town where everyone is a freakazoid pervert.
3. Dylan the calm, cool and collected brother.  (Don't bug Bradley!)
4. Of course, Norman himself!
5. The way psychos bring a family together.
6. After the last episode, the sheriff.
7. Lastly, Norma ... Norma .... Norma!

It took awhile for Norma to grow on me but now all I can say is she is AWESOME!!!  One of these days I am going to blow up on everyone and just say whatever comes to mind.  I know what you're thinking, "You already do that!" but I do have a bit of a filter even though that surprises everyone.  Right now I am watching her freak and call someone a sh@$head because they didn't acknowledge her apology.  I aspire to do that!  I can't decide if she is going to go crazy and have feelings for one of her sons, if so I take back my aspiration.

Here are my predictions for the next season:
-the teacher isn't dead, he just envisioned it.  (how many people can one kill before getting caught and ending the series?)
-he and his brother have it out over Bradley.  (Obviously)
-Norma and the sheriff have a tryst.
-we need some more scandals, maybe Watergate, Teapot Dome Scandal, the possibilities are endless!

Hope everyone can see the series if you missed it!

Dead Pool

Oh my, oh my!  My first question is why did they make five Dirty Harry sequels?  I know there are many fans of the first one but I gotta say it is not my list of top crummy movies.  I found the first one only marginally entertaining and this one only acceptable due to Jim Carrey.  In fact he was the best character of the movie and only appeared in it for 10 minutes.  I highly suggest you youtube Jim Carrey, Dead Pool so you can see him dance around to Welcome to the Jungle.  The second best character was Evan Kim, Harry's partner.  Is it bad that I recognized him from The Kentucky Fried Movie and Caveman?  Oh, Caveman now that's a stinker I need to revisit!  So anyway back to this movie.  Terrible premise: Liam Neesam's character and some other spare have a Dead Pool list of people they think will die.  They then bet on this list.  Well since Harry is famous now by taking down so many bad guys he is ofcourse on this list.  There is lots of shooting and on-liners that are terrible.  My suggestion, DON'T WATCH, unless you are my dad and love Dirty Harry.

On the home front, I think after the flu, strep throat and surgery for my little dude I think we are finally getting back to normal.  Although now I have car problems but my hubby is taking it into the dealer today and oddly enough going to go pretend he is Dirty Harry on his man date.  That leaves me alone with little munchkin all night to veg and snuggle.  I will try to post later tonight or tomorrow about Bates Motel.  It is getting good!!!  So last question you gotta ask yourself, "Do you feel lucky punk?  Well do you!?"

Snow White and the Huntsman / Hercules

 

I know what you guys are thinking, well maybe except my one Twilight fan friend, why in the heckola did you willingly watch a movie with Kristen Stewart.  Well the answer,  as seen above, is Thor!!!  What a hottie!  The movie actually wasn't that bad.  It had a cool story, neato nature and funny dwarves.  But most importantly minimal talking by Kristen plus Charlize Theron was one hardcore witch.  I don't really have anything else to say about this movie but wait till it comes out on cable and definitely record it.

I am going to also discuss Hercules on this post. I have become readdicted to the 90's t.v. show. It comes on the HUB every night and I can't stop watching it. Is it because it's cheesy? Definitely! Is it because I find Kevin Sorbo hot? Mostly! Although he is a terrible actor I loved him in Hercules and Kull the Conqueror. Interestingly enough I only like him when he is playing a mythological character or a Vikingesck warrior. One question I have always wondered is why Hera's eye are always portrayed with a peacock feather?. I guess I should google it.


Also, for all my coworkers out there I am going to start practicing my Xena fight sounds so you better brace yourself.  I am going to try and find a way to have my own personal soundtrack at work too.  Hopefully it will be Xena chanting.  I am going to put my illustrious leader in charge of that task, you know who you are, Clue fan!

Camp Hell

Oh my goodness when I saw this coming on cable my heart skipped a beat.  The title alone got my blood pumping and then upon further investigation I discovered it stars Bruce Davison, of Coffin fame or maybe you remember him in X-Men, and wait for it ... Andrew McCarthy!  I have loved him ever since Mannequin and ofcourse the Academy Award winner Weekend at Bernies (just thinking about that movie makes me want to watch it again and maybe the 2nd one too).  But once I saw his name I was sold and I was only slightly disappointed.  It was pretty boring and Andrew wasn't in much of it but it had a nice creepy ending.

The premise is a demon terrorizing a Catholic Church Camp.  In my book you cant go wrong with a plot like that.  Why was a demon bothering these peeps you ask?  SINNING, SINNING, SINNING!!!  The priest kept warning the boys of the devil females and their cunning ways but the guys just couldn't help themselves.  It was the classic Garden of Eden story till the main kid gets caught in flagrante delicto (only 2 people will get that reference) with a girl.  Then the poo hits the fan.  He starts seeing a demon, blood flows everywhere, you can imagine the havoc.  I'll let you watch it for yourself so I won't ruin the ending.  But here is my spoiler alert it's 1 hour and 45 minutes but it felt like 3.

On a sidebar Jesse Eisenberg made a cameo in the movie.  He was a former camp goer gone insane by the demon.  I wonder how much he got paid for that or if he was doing it for a friend, it was made after Zombieland and the Social Network.

The Change-Up

I know it has been a very long time since I posted but alas what can I say, "I'm very lazy".  No worries though I have been watching a plethora of crummy and non crummy movies.  I will try to blog several times in the next couple of days to discuss the crapola and gems of films I have watched.  So here we go.

In the spirit of going outside the horror movie box I watched The Change-Up with my darling hubby.  I had high expectations only because I love Justin Bateman but alas the movie stunk. It stunk big time!  It suffered from the tragic over cussing and grossness that characterizes most comedies these days.  Don't get me wrong I love a good fart joke as much as the next humorous person but I don't need to hear the "F" bomb every other word to be entertained.  I'm just your normal everyday girl that wants a good old fashioned bizarro or smartalec comedy.  I miss the days of Mel Brooks and the Golden Girls.  I know, not a movie put they deserved a shout out.  Sorry for my rant, back to this turd of a movie.

The premise is a Freaky Friday scenario but between a single jerk and a husband/dad jerk.  I had a hard time sympathizing with either character since they were both selfish, whiney idiots.  Single guy, "nobody loves me and my Dad thinks I'm a loser", FYI, you are a loser.  Married guy, "my life is so hard I have too much responsibility", FYI, who cares.   I pretty much summed up the entire movie for you and I am sure you can figure out what happens.  They both realize what they have and improve their lives, barf!  The only surprising part of the movie was the amount of nudity by Leslie Mann.  If you're going to get naked what a waste of movie to do it for.  At least pretend you're doing it for artsy fartsy purposes.  People ask me "why don't you watch mainstream comedies?"  My answer, "The Change-Up!"