The Walking Dead Episode 1

Ok, this one is for you Borris. I finally watched the first episode after being told numerous times how much I would love it. Since everyone has seen it I won't go into great detail but for those who haven't, a guy wakes up in a hospital and finds people have been turned into zombies. Hmmmm, I believe I saw that in 28 Days Later, one of my favorite zombieish movies by the way.

My first question is how long has he been there? Whether it was a couple of days or a couple of months they didn't address the obvious question on everyone's mind. HUMAN WASTE!!! He woke up and looked cleaner than most people do after a brisk walk. He had a hard time walking and his voice was hoarse but he looked as fresh as a daisy. I enjoyed meeting the father and son characters. I especially enjoyed the dad's whisper talk all the time. Although he needs to talk some advice from Woody and, "--- up or shut up". If my honey dearest let me walk around as a zombie in a bathrobe no less I wouldn't be very happy. This is a complete side note but for some reason the half body corpse that was so endearing reminded me of Meg Mucklebones and I have no idea why. Maybe it was the way the half corpse moved. Also, upon further research Meg was played by Robert Picardo (Star Trek, Gremlins 2, Total Recall). I just thought that was an interesting factoid.

Second, I am excited about the love triangle! Oh what a tangled web we weave when in a zombie apocalypse. I predict the best friend will sacrifice himself by the 3rd season. Nobody tell me. When Grimes was calling on his CB and didn't hear his fam on the other end, I felt just like I was a kid again and the worm was telling Sarah, "Not that way, never that way" in Labyrinth. I think that was my favorite part.

Third, I hated the horse part. He could have just left the nice, sweet horse in his happy pasture but no, he was too much of a pansy to go into the house with the dead people and look for car keys. And why did the dead people write in blood on the wall? Wouldn't God appreciate an ink note just the same? Overall I give this a 3 out of 5 stars. Which is just enough to keep me watching. I think I might have to watch a happy movie soon, I love horror flicks but I think I could use a chuckle. All the gore is starting to put me in a funk. I need my movie watching buddy to move back here from Austin so I'm not watching all this gore alone. My next blog will have to be about a bad comedy.

Hobo with a Shotgun

Every once in a while you find a movie that just puts you in a funk and makes you feel terrible for watching it. This movie fits that bill; I couldn't even finish it. I guess I knew what I was in for when the second scene had a man being killed by his brother with barb wire, I'll let you use your imagination on how it happened. Yuck!

Why did I even watch 45 minutes of this grande poopala? The hobo was played by my one of my favorite actors, Rutger Hauer. I love him from Bladrunner, Ladyhawke and Flesh n Blood. Instead of watching an older actor who has aged gracefully (example: Paul Newman from The Color of Money) I was watching a dried up old prune become a shotgun vigilante in a hellish town. Although he still had his nice voice; The only plus of the movie I might add. The only way I can describe this movie is a non artsy, grosser by 75%, terrible acting Sin City. Which the famed hobo also starred in. I give this movie no stars out of 5, and this comes from someone who watched a movie about a killer tire. Thank goodness for awesome movies like Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter!

Blood Creek

This movie had all the makings of a great scary movie. Fabulous intro, creepy nazi (Michael Fassbender) moves into a 1920's farm in America. He found a magical rune that makes people immortal. Ofcourse this only happens by drinking the blood of the living and looking extra gross. Fast forward to current time and the farm family has been forced to feed the monster for decades. Two brothers find out about this sinister farm and decide to take it upon themselves to rid the world of this evil. This is not an easy task. They encounter man eating horses, zombie people and/or dogs and so on. I was thouroughly enjoying the movie (bad acting and all) until the end when the bad guy hammers a nail into his head but how else are you supposed to acquire a third eye without doing this?

Upon further investigation this movie was directed by Joel Schumacher (Lost Boys). Maybe this is why it was better than most crappy movies I watch. I rate this movie a 3 out of 5 stars if you enjoy gross horror movies. Oh did I mention all the gore? It is a blood vest indeed. Cute guys, blood and ancient runes, What more could a girl ask for?

Michael Fassbender Cute!

Michael Fassbender Not so Cute!