Stoker

I am pleased to announce a fairly decent little horror flick in Stoker. It had all the trappings of a good horror film, disturbing images and a slow build up but with a hint of sophistication and pretension by Nicole Kidman. The movie follows a mom and daughter (Mia Wasikowska - Why does she keep that big mole on her lip? Are they really beauty marks? I say no!!! Lose the moles people) who recently lost their husband/dad. Their uncle (Matthew Goode) comes to live with them and of course he has fishy tendencies. Matthew Goode while hot has a creepy voice and mannerisms. Although I found him very attractive in Leap Year, which stunk. Well I won't tell you what happens but it is quite disturbing, especially one scene that hits my mom key. Just a warning it is slightly boring so viewer beware.

On a personal note why can't real life be as interesting as a movie? I know everyone asks this but seriously people I just had to help my husband clean wax out of his ears. I ask, is this what life has come to?!? I wouldn't be able to handle living in a horror movie for too long and I would definitely be the first to die in anything involving running. But maybe a movie like the Burbs? How great would it be to have the Klopeks living next door? I mean all the dead people aside watching the grave digging would be better than digging for wax!

Jurassic World

It has literally been over a year since I have posted (to be honest I totally forgot I had a blog) but then I saw Jurassic World and my mom reminded me about my bad movie blog. This movie is particuarly awesome because it is a huge budget, high grossing, popular and a crappy movie all rolled into one. We get to see top special effects, hybrid dinosaurs, monstrous sea dinos and my personal favorite dinosaurs with a heart. You're my boy blue, you're my boy! So I wasn't massively excited to see this since it goes against my normal rule of avoiding big budget, main stream films but my man wanted to see it and what can I say I was craving movie theater popcorn and a coke icee.

I loved the dinosaurs!!! Especially the water one since we all know my fear of water. The kids didn't do alot for me, why did the younger one have such terrible hair? Chris Pratt whom I normally love in everything, even Movie 43, made me barf up my icee when he said the line, "she's killing for sport." However I did like Bryce Howard. I was amazed by how fabulous she looked in an all white suit and ran so fast in her heels over rough terrain. Very impressive! I almost shed a tear with her and the dinosaur when she finally bonded with one over a gruesome death. Let's not worry about the many dead people but a dead dino really tears me up inside. I loved the fact that I finally got to see big dinosaurs fighting each other and it wasn't on SyFy, so they didn't look like my kid made them on photoshop. I especially enjoyed the dinosaurs giving each other the proverbial nod that we see heroes do at the ends of movies. All in all I give this movie a BB for big and bad! Bad meaning awesomely bad!

On a side note I love playing Lego Jurassic World! Still waiting for my friend to come back over and finish with me, yes I'll let you be Blue! And wouldn't it be great if this was the premise for Jurassic World Part II. Oh a girl can dream!

Bleeding House

Ok, it has been months since my last post but what can I say, I suck as a blogger. Fortunately I am a rock star at watching movies especially crummy ones so I have been faithful there. The worst I recently viewed was The Bleeding House. I had a hard time sitting through it but luckily for us I managed. Also, luckily for us I can rant about my mid life crisis I decided to start having this year. :) So hear it goes in no particular order.


The Bleeding House, what a low budget and bizarre movie. The premise is a stranded motorist (a weird, southern priest) asks to stay with a family fro the night. The family of course takes him in because there is no technology available in this day and age. My guess is they just thought it would be fun to be around a weird preacher (Patrick Breen). Whom I don't find attractive or scary whatsoever but I was surprised to see a six pack when he took his shirt off, just a side note for those interested. Well this poor psycho shows up at the wrong house. It is a tamed down American Gothic from 1988 if you ever saw that gem. Not much else to say about it except don't waste your time unless you enjoy crummy movies like me.

Now for the mid life crisis. I was driving down the road this morning looking at suburban house, after house, after house, after house, after house (well you get the picture) and tried to figure out how I got where I am. Don't get me wrong I love my family but I can't stand the burbs, unless I was in the neighborhood from the Burbs, then I might change my tune. I found myself wondering why I never moved to New York to meet Aiden Quinn and live in a tiny apartment while operating a film reel at a movie theater. So moving is out of the question since I am married to the complete opposite of that movie. So how to feel like a cosmopolitan lady (don't laugh, I can pretend to be a lady) while stuck in suburban hell?!? Maybe I should change my name. Any suggestions?

Dark Shadows

I am sure this no surprise to anyone but my old person back failed me again and I have been laid up in bed for two days. It went out while doing the laundry, that will teach me to clean. The only positive outcome is watching movies. I made it through a couple, Dark Shadows and Bleeding House.

Normally I love Tim Burton movies especially ones featuring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, which is almost all of them, but this one was a bummer. I was excited about the premise and the appearance of Alice Cooper but it was just boring. I know of the old series, my mom watched it, but alas I have never been able to sit through an entire episode. I mean there is low budget and then there is serious low budget. Even the late 60's should have been better than that. The movie of course was big budget with many stars but incredibly boring. There were a few moments of humor and Johnny's mannerisms were fabulous but it just went on and on and on. This might have been made worse due to the fact that I was stuck in bed.

I enjoyed Johnny as a creepy vamp, I believe he was supposed to be playing a character in his twenties maybe thirties and he is unfortunately starting to look old. Well he is fifty now. Helena was ok but not quirky enough and Chloe Moretz's teeth drive me crazy (the daughter). Michelle Pfeiffer still looks amazing! I kept hoping she would belt out Cool Rider but I didn't get my wish.  I give this movie a moderate rating, make sure you have some popcorn and your IPad while watching though.

Bates Motel

Oh my oh my how many ways can I say how much I like Bates Motel?  Let me count the ways:

1. The way the show meshes modern and 50's/60's attributes.
2. The weirdo town where everyone is a freakazoid pervert.
3. Dylan the calm, cool and collected brother.  (Don't bug Bradley!)
4. Of course, Norman himself!
5. The way psychos bring a family together.
6. After the last episode, the sheriff.
7. Lastly, Norma ... Norma .... Norma!

It took awhile for Norma to grow on me but now all I can say is she is AWESOME!!!  One of these days I am going to blow up on everyone and just say whatever comes to mind.  I know what you're thinking, "You already do that!" but I do have a bit of a filter even though that surprises everyone.  Right now I am watching her freak and call someone a sh@$head because they didn't acknowledge her apology.  I aspire to do that!  I can't decide if she is going to go crazy and have feelings for one of her sons, if so I take back my aspiration.

Here are my predictions for the next season:
-the teacher isn't dead, he just envisioned it.  (how many people can one kill before getting caught and ending the series?)
-he and his brother have it out over Bradley.  (Obviously)
-Norma and the sheriff have a tryst.
-we need some more scandals, maybe Watergate, Teapot Dome Scandal, the possibilities are endless!

Hope everyone can see the series if you missed it!

Dead Pool

Oh my, oh my!  My first question is why did they make five Dirty Harry sequels?  I know there are many fans of the first one but I gotta say it is not my list of top crummy movies.  I found the first one only marginally entertaining and this one only acceptable due to Jim Carrey.  In fact he was the best character of the movie and only appeared in it for 10 minutes.  I highly suggest you youtube Jim Carrey, Dead Pool so you can see him dance around to Welcome to the Jungle.  The second best character was Evan Kim, Harry's partner.  Is it bad that I recognized him from The Kentucky Fried Movie and Caveman?  Oh, Caveman now that's a stinker I need to revisit!  So anyway back to this movie.  Terrible premise: Liam Neesam's character and some other spare have a Dead Pool list of people they think will die.  They then bet on this list.  Well since Harry is famous now by taking down so many bad guys he is ofcourse on this list.  There is lots of shooting and on-liners that are terrible.  My suggestion, DON'T WATCH, unless you are my dad and love Dirty Harry.

On the home front, I think after the flu, strep throat and surgery for my little dude I think we are finally getting back to normal.  Although now I have car problems but my hubby is taking it into the dealer today and oddly enough going to go pretend he is Dirty Harry on his man date.  That leaves me alone with little munchkin all night to veg and snuggle.  I will try to post later tonight or tomorrow about Bates Motel.  It is getting good!!!  So last question you gotta ask yourself, "Do you feel lucky punk?  Well do you!?"

Snow White and the Huntsman / Hercules

 

I know what you guys are thinking, well maybe except my one Twilight fan friend, why in the heckola did you willingly watch a movie with Kristen Stewart.  Well the answer,  as seen above, is Thor!!!  What a hottie!  The movie actually wasn't that bad.  It had a cool story, neato nature and funny dwarves.  But most importantly minimal talking by Kristen plus Charlize Theron was one hardcore witch.  I don't really have anything else to say about this movie but wait till it comes out on cable and definitely record it.

I am going to also discuss Hercules on this post. I have become readdicted to the 90's t.v. show. It comes on the HUB every night and I can't stop watching it. Is it because it's cheesy? Definitely! Is it because I find Kevin Sorbo hot? Mostly! Although he is a terrible actor I loved him in Hercules and Kull the Conqueror. Interestingly enough I only like him when he is playing a mythological character or a Vikingesck warrior. One question I have always wondered is why Hera's eye are always portrayed with a peacock feather?. I guess I should google it.


Also, for all my coworkers out there I am going to start practicing my Xena fight sounds so you better brace yourself.  I am going to try and find a way to have my own personal soundtrack at work too.  Hopefully it will be Xena chanting.  I am going to put my illustrious leader in charge of that task, you know who you are, Clue fan!